How do I get my child to practice?

I’ve met a lot of people who regret quitting piano lessons. I’ve never met a person who regrets sticking with it.Many parents give up on piano lessons because: they are tired of constantly nagging their child to practice; or their child suddenly seems disinterested in practicing; or they are worried they are pushing their own ideas on the child.

Children go through many phases of equilibrium and disequilibrium. These stages may occur in patterns about every six months. If your child is in one of these ‘disequilibrium’ phases, they may seem generally okay on the surface. But there’s often lots of complaining, lots of reports about others treating them unfairly, and also lots of griping about commitments – like piano practice.

Parents sometimes feel that they shouldn’t have to remind their child to practice an instrument. It is normal for children to avoid practicing. If you are fortunate, your child is one of those kids who loves to practice. But most children need to be reminded to do things like practice, or exercise, or eat properly. It’s just human nature.

Ultimately, mastery of an instrument takes committed practice. It can be challenging and also frustrating, but teaching a child to stick with something, and learn the discipline necessary to succeed is a really valuable life lesson. Mastering an instrument is a marathon, not a sprint.

So how do you get your child to practice?

You know what motivates your child. Years ago, as my husband and I were trying to cajole our 3-year old into doing something, we heard a great line. An older woman walking near us said, “Ah bribery – the hallmark of parenting!” I can’t tell you how many times we have laughed over that line and used bribery. We can also refer to it as ‘positive reinforcement’!

Even if children are very motivated, they still want feedback. You can step into the room when they’re practicing and be an active listener, even just for a minute.
Praise them for remembering to practice on their own.
Praise them for a positive attitude during practice, particularly if they have been negative beforehand.
Praise them for improvement, no matter how small. Make your praise sincere, though. They can easily see through insincerity. We all thrive on attention.
Set up a regular time 5 days a week to practice. If you need to, use a timer to make sure they get in enough practice. Check their assignment binder for details about practice requirements. In general, warm-ups and each piece should be played 3-5 times in a practice session.
Use consequences – practice must be completed before other fun activities, such as video games, computer, TV, hanging out with friends, etc. Post the rules near the piano, so kids are clear about your expectations.
Tell them one of your experiences as a child where sticking with it and working through a problem made a difference for you personally.
Bribes (motivators) can work great, too: perhaps a sticker chart with a reward after a required amount of stickers are earned – a small toy, part of their allowance, a special outing with just one parent. There are tons of possibilities and only you know what works best.
Help your child see the value of music. It is something they will be able to do all their life. They are unlikely to be playing soccer in their 80’s, but they will be able to play the piano. Most kids have trouble projecting out that far in the future, but it’s worth a try.
Take your child to musical performances. There are many local opportunities through the high school, Gallery Theater, Linfield College, ballet studios and churches. There are so many great musical events in Portland, just 35 miles away. Live music is best!
Expect the best, and comfort them when they have setbacks.
If your child is very competitive and that is a motivator, talk to me about competitive performance opportunities here locally and at the state level.
Remind them that they are building a skill that many other people will not have and will admire. A child’s peers often have great respect for their friend’s ability to play an instrument.
Ask them to play when you have visitors. Outside praise is often a better motivator than parental praise. We all assume our parents are supposed to think we’re the greatest!
Remind them of the fun they have playing! Most students have one or more favorite pieces that they play over and over (you know the ones – you’re sick of them!). Remind them that when they started those pieces they thought they were ‘too hard’ and now look how easily they play them.
Above all, be their biggest cheerleader! They really will thank you someday!